Again, let me preface this story by saying that I am again not proud of the way I handled "the Jon," however, I definitely learned my lesson, which is that Karma is real and will come back to bite you.
The start of the 100miles of wilderness exhibits this looming signage that says something along the lines of, “This is the 100miles of wilderness do not attempt this section unless you are in good physical condition and have at least 10days worth of food. I would revise the wording to mention something about a bug net.
3.5miles into the wilderness is the Hunt lean-too, it was there that I happened upon the Jon, a 28 year old former marine, although I would have never suspected, with round blue eyes and gnarly teeth. He had a geeky demeanor which was confirmed almost instantly by the contents of his pack which he showed off. A kindle, GPS and laptop (all off which lost charge by the next day), and upon his introduction of, “anyone, know how to start a fire?...I can only get it to smoke,” to which I responded, “You need birch bark." That coupled with the fact that he started almost every sentence with, “well let me explain,” always stated the obvious, “I hear water,” upon approaching a babbling brook and the fact that he was socially challenged. After only two days of knowing me he invited me to a wedding in September, an event that would require that I hike with him every day for the next 3 months and spend $250 for an Amtrak ride to Iowa.
He told really bad stories, I asked him if he had ever had any encounters with ghosts and this was the story that I got word for word:
“Well let me explain, this one time I was driving on the highway, and I probably shouldn't have been driving because I was very tired and off in the horizon I saw what looked like a giant pulsating spider.”
End of story.
He told really bad stories, I asked him if he had ever had any encounters with ghosts and this was the story that I got word for word:
“Well let me explain, this one time I was driving on the highway, and I probably shouldn't have been driving because I was very tired and off in the horizon I saw what looked like a giant pulsating spider.”
End of story.
Oh, and he was very annoying. Every time I stumbled or stubbed my toe he would say, “There are things on the ground,” I felt like one of the prisoners in Chicago’s cell block tango number, the one who is telling the story about her husband chewing…no popping the gum…”if you pop that gum one more time,” she says and after he does she fires two warning shots into his head. I am a klutz so I must have heard him say this a few times a day for the six days that he stayed leached to me.
I am always interested to learn why someone is hiking the AT and Jon was supposedly doing so to complete a school project that required him to snap photos and record their GPS coordinates which would be incorporated into a book. This was great and good for him and I thought I was safe in agreeing to have my picture taken while combing out my hair in the lean-too the first day of our introduction, but it seemed as though every time he took out his camera I happened to be in the picture. At first It seemed innocent, but when I came up out of the water after river bathing one night and turned to see Jon laying on his side on the bank clicking his machine, I started to get the weirdo vibes. Flash forward I saw me in a room explaining to the cops, "I guess I should have known" as they slide a flyer with Jon at the top of the 10 most wanted.
What else was annoying about him, let’s see…oh, the fact that every morning I got up and he heard a zipper or a yawn he would sit up on his noisy air mattress and say, “I guess I should get up…what’s the plan?!” It’s as if he had radar and could detect my eyelids opening.
Jon was also very negative, he was always complaining about the bugs or the elevation or the heat. Why are you hiking the AT? I wondered. The Northern part of Maine is virtually flat and it is all uphill till New Hampshire. Whenever there was the slightest increase in elevation he would say things like, “Would you sign a petition that allowed handicapped accessible ramps and elevators to be incorporated into the trail?” Even more creepy/annoying I would fly up these inclines not only due to their mildness but also because my legs where built for climbing and when he would finally catch up he would say, “There you are.”
So I have done a lot of bashing of the Jon, but you would not blame me for doing so if you spent 6 consecutive days with him out in the wilderness where your only chance of solitude was a stinky, bug infested privy. Isn’t it ironic that the only way I got away from Jon was by visiting the jon?
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