How to Drop a Dookie in the Woods

My rock climbing friend suggested that I read the book, “How to Shit in the Woods; an Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art,” by Kathleen Meyer.

The book starts off with stories of people getting into embarrassing situations after clipping a biscuit. One guy follows the outdoor pooping process to a tee. He finds a private location with a nice view far away from his camping site, however, forgets to dig a hole. So, after he releases his colon cannon ball it rolls down the hill, picking up speed leaving plumes of trail litter as it bounces off of rocks. His nugget finally hits the ground a few inches away from one of his hiking buddy’s foot 600 yards down the hill from his perfectly selected defecation spot.

Another guy takes a break from hunting, removes his poncho and flunks a dunk by a log. However, after completing his “do”-ty cannot seem to find his scat. He puts his poncho back on and pulls on his hood at which point he feels his dumpette slide down his head.

This is how you should poop in the woods:

Below Tree line

1. Find a spot well off the trail or campsite above the water line
2. Pick good soil with lots of humus
3. Dig a 6-8” hole
4. Do your business
5. *Wipe with vegetation or TP (TP needs to be packed out because it takes too long to biodegrade that goes for biodegradable TP, it’s a gimmick. You're not supposed to burn TP to prevent forest fires)
6. Stir your lumpette with a stick (this reduces the amount of time it takes to biodegrade)
7. Cover

* TP alternatives: smooth rock, leaves (watch out for the poisonous ones), water that you carry (never wash in streams)

Above Tree line

1. Find a spot well off the trail
2. Find a sun-baked rock
3. Poop on the rock
4. Take a second rock and “smear” your beans on the rock
5. Your chocolate cake will bake in the sun and flake off with the wind

During the winter months you are supposed to pack out your caca, otherwise the trail will look like the chocolate-brick road. And come spring the snow will melt but your  pellets won’t and the goal here is to “leave no trace.”

People did not start filtering water from streams and waterways until fifteen years ago due to the uprising of the disease Giardia—a parasitic disease which can survive in streams for several months. The parasite can pass between animals and humans from the feces of one animal to the digestive tract on another animal (one who ingests the waste orally). Some people may be carriers of the disease and not know it.  

Meyer urges, “the best line of defense for protecting our wild lands, our wild friends and ourselves is to…dig an environmentally sound hole and burry that shit (21).”

Fun Fact- In the middle 1800’s plumber, Thomas Jon Crapper invented the “water waste preventer…the siphonic cistern…with uphill flow and automatic shut off.” Hence the words: crap, crapper and jon.

For poop synonyms check out: http://www.heptune.com/poopword.html